humor

Little Sayings, Big Meanings…

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Be Fishers of Men…. You catch ’em, He’ll Clean ’em.
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A clean conscience makes a soft pillow.
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A family altar can alter a family.
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A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
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Are you wrinkled with burden? Come on into Church for a faith lift!
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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
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Do your best and then sleep in peace. God is Awake.
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Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.
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Exercise daily. Walk with the Lord!
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Fear knocked. Faith answered. No one was there.
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Forbidden fruits create many jams.
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Give God what’s right, not what’s left!
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Give Satan an inch and he’ll be a ruler.

 

Read more at the website below!

 

 

Refs:

  1. http://www.inspire21.com/stories/christianstories/ChristianBumperStickers
  2. Google.com

 

~END

 

 

Uh, Excuse Me!

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Creation

An atheist scientist came to God and said, “We’ve figured out how to make a man without you.”

God said, “OK, let me see you do it.”

So the atheist bent down to the ground and scooped up a handful. But God stopped him and said, “Oh, no you don’t. Get your own dirt!”

 

The Ham Sandwich

A Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest were good friends. At a picnic one day, the priest was eating a ham sandwich. “You know,” he said to his friend, “this ham sandwich is delicious. I know you’re not supposed to eat ham, but I don’t understand why such a good thing would be forbidden. When will you break down and try it?”

To which the rabbi replied, “At your wedding.”

 

The Bible, Through the Eyes of a Child

In the beginning, which was close to the start, there wasn’t anything except God, darkness and some gas. The Bible says, “The Lord, thy God, is one,” but I think He has to be much older than that.

Anyway, God made the world and then He said, “Give me some light,” and somebody gave it to Him. He split an atom and made Eve. Adam and Eve didn’t wear any clothes, but they weren’t embarrassed because God hadn’t invented mirrors, yet.

Adam and Eve sinned by eating one bad apple and they were driven out of the Garden of Eden. I’m not sure what God drove them in because He hadn’t invented cars, either.

Adam and Eve’s son, Cain, hated his brother as long as he was Abel. After a while, all of the first people died, except Methuselah, who lived to be, like, a million years old.

 

Refs:

  1. “jokesclean.com”
  2. Google

 

~END

An Interview With God…

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Author Unknown

 

I dreamed I had an INTERVIEW WITH GOD.

“So, you would like to interview me?” GOD asked.

“If you have time,” I said.

GOD smiled. “My time is eternity… what questions do you have in mind for me?”

“What surprises you the most about humankind?”

GOD answered…

“That they get bored with childhood, that they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.”

“That they lose their health to make money… and then lose their money to restore their health.”

“That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future.”

“That they live as if they would never die, and die as though they had never lived.”

GOD’s hand took mine… and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked, “As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons you want your children to learn?”

GOD replied, “To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved.”

“To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.”

“To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.”

“To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them.”

“To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.”

“To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply do not yet know how to express or show their feelings.”

“To learn that two people can look at the same thing, and see it differently.”

“To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.”

“Thank you for your time,” I said humbly.

“Is there anything else you would like your children to know?”

GOD smiled, and said… “Just know that I am here. Always.”

 

 

Refs:

  1. ‘inspire21.com”
  2. “godsadvice.com”
  3. Google

 

~END

More Fun With Church Sign Wisdom!

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Wal-Mart might save you money but, Church saves your soul.

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

Pessimists need a kick in the can’ts.

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.

The only time you should look down on a man, is when you are helping him up!

The 2 most important days of your life: the day you were born. The day you were born again.

Thank God we live in a country where we can Thank God.

The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God will not protect you.

We don’t need to think less of ourselves, we need to think of ourselves less.

Come as you are you can change on the inside.

Live So That When People Get to Know You They Will Get To Know Christ.

If God only wanted perfect people to do His work, nothing would ever get done.

Can’t sleep??? Don’t count sheep… Talk to the Shephard!!!

People say motivation does not last. Neither does bathing, but we must do it daily.

“Soul” food served here!

 

Refs: “sayingsforchurchsigns.com” “Google”

 

~END

Ever Read A Church Sign?

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Image result for funny church signs

 

Image result for funny church signs

 

Image result for funny church signs

 

 

Ref:

  1. Google